Do you have an infestation of Fans? Have no fear. Follow this simple guide and you’ll be rid of those pesky Fans in no time!
Fans find you in many ways...
Be sure that your website is very hard to find. Don't use tags or labels that people might think of to search for your stuff.
Blast! They found you? Don't worry.
That first moment of contact is easily broken.
Tip #2 Be Paranoid and Accusatory.
Still a fan? No worries. Tip #3
Become a cyber-stalker.
Publicly argue with them over their opinions.
Be Really, Really, Really Negative.
Ignore ALL Deadlines.
Keep them waiting as long as possible!
Don't Deliver What You Promised.
Plot lines? Pfft. Just make it up.
Be sure to crank out the same stuff everyone else is doing.
Make Sure Your Fans Feel Unappreciated!
Fans are a dime a dozen. Make sure they know it.
(This is crucial!)
If you've been rude to a fan, or hurt their feelings, NEVER say you're sorry! Let them wallow in their own little world of miserable disillusionment.
Wait for it...
Success! You've officially lost a FAN.
Whew! That was close. Fans can breed like cockroaches, spreading their fan-ness from one to another by word of mouth until a whole mess of them clamor for your attention and--I shudder to think--purchase your stuff.
Just follow these ten simple steps and you will never have to worry about Fans again!
*Have you ever seen/experienced a meltdown from an artist/writer? What's the fastest way people can lose you as a fan?*